Now that we're done...

I chase him around the room swinging the pillow in my hands (from the couch from his storage shed from his sister, that he carried into my new house by himself, before we broke up). My movements are erratic, his are calculated as he blocks me and hits me in the head with his pillow. I back him to the hardwood and he drops his pillow, charging me. I squeak as he lifts me up, wrap myself around him as he carries me down the stairs, and laugh when he drops me on the bed.
He holds me and strokes my hair until I fall asleep, then leaves quietly.
I lie in the dark, content for the moment. Knowing I'll question this, question me and him and us, in the morning.
We broke up.
I went to his house because he had an epiphany.
"I know which one of you I'd choose." I raise my eyebrows and prompt him. "The only reason I left you that night is because I thought she was going to kill herself. We were dating longer, but I'm only happy when I'm with you."
"I have stipulations if you want me back." He nods. "I get to fuck you in the ass. Once. At the time of my choosing."
I secretly pray he won't agree just as hard as I pray he will.
We. Broke. Up.
He bites my neck and I gasp, turning to glare at him.
"You can't tell me you don't like it."
"God, of course not. Why wouldn't I love having my ex that cheated on me biting my neck."
His gaze flickers for a second, I sigh. He strokes my arm, not looking me in the eyes. "I'm sorry."
"I know." I sigh again, stroking his hair. He looks up hopefully.
We broke up?

I watch you in your sleep even when [I'm] not there.

One door closes, another opens.

I've gone from Trader Joes, morning coffee trips with my roommate, random shopping with the housemates, bitching about the horrible work conditions, loving actors, hating bosses, sleeping at his house, and days in DC;
to Pel's and the Waffle House, getting kidnapped by my ladies, dodging people I hoped to never see again, getting phone calls and e-mails from everyone at the theatre who needs a hand, ignoring the passive-aggressive fights between my parents, and trying to find a way to my heart again.

This place kills me inside, a little, it always has. But I've got good people here who love me and that helps.
"That which does not kill you makes you stronger", right?

Fuck. I need a job.

And I'm waiting for this task to end.

"You're turning into quite the young lady", my grandmother's words echo in my mind and my laughter chases it through the tunnels of my subconcious. I suppose I am, at that.
Though I still don't quite think "lady" applies yet. I'm still too young for decorum.
I've got one life to live, y'know, and I'm still young enough to enjoy it.
My only regrets are the things I didn't do.

My sleeve still smells of coffee from my walk this morning. Afternoon. What-have-you.
The cup clunked down in front of her with a sense of finality, coming to rest after its 20-minute-long journey. She slept on, oblivious, while the others around her looked at me with creased brow. Asking questions with their eyes.

Theorum.

I sleep more, I'm more awake in the mornings but I have less energy.
I sleep less, I'm horribly out of it in the mornings but I have an endless well of energy.
I sense potential experiments in my future. If I can muster the energy to do them.

I found you on a Saturday and that was where I lost you

I listen with my ears and my body to the music, the drums thrumming my throat like an extension of themselves, and my eyes listen with an almost religious fervor to the lights flickering over my face. Over the faces of the people around me. Over the faces of the people that brought us here.
I look around, at the bodies packed mere inches from me to the people leaning on the railings, watching us with an almost bored expression, to the people on the platform and I realize that I love them. Every last one of them. From the boy watching the dance floor like we're sub-human to the Joker who spins and dips his girlfriend with all the elegance one wouldn't expect in a crowded room.
A hat lands on my head and I look back at his smile. My eyes flick over the rest of my companions, the one who can't stop moving to save his life, the one who looks at us dubiously but dances any way and the one who keeps everyone else in check. I feel laughter bubbling in my throat and I have to turn around before it over-takes me.
"Write love on her arm" the back in front of me declares.
'I will!' I promise silently. 'I swear I will.'

-System error.
Shut down imminent.

Core unit too content.

Reboot?
Y/N

No, nay, never!

There's this boy from London I'm utterly captivated by.
A boy back home I'm sanely in love with.
And a boy in DC that I would quite like to get to know better.
Really, lovely, you don't need to set me up with your friends. I'm quite taken enough.

"Don't you have a boyfriend?" He asks, wrinkling his eyebrows. A look of surprise, disbelief, crosses his face, and I take it as a compliment.
"You look different... Older! You looked 18 when I got here, now you look 20. You've gained weight. But in the good places! Your chest is bigger and you look more... fleshed out. It looks good on you."
I laughed, and laughed, and laughed.

The silk of my "little black dress" slides down my legs as I shift and it makes me shiver a little. I like the feel of it along my sides, as unused to it as I am.
"That's your catching a man dress, you look amazing in that." She grins at me suggestively and I laugh. Partially from the wine, partially because I just don't know what to say.