I take it out on my good friends.

What does it take to ask a man in the most amazing relationship of his life to hold you when you can't sleep at night?
A frighteningly close connection, or simply a lack of ethics where the relationship is concerned?
Two horribly lonely people reaching out to someone near-by who understands isn't a bad thing, nor is two friends snuggling to relieve the need. I let him set the limits, in light of his being involved, and I put my line at "no sex".
That's not a lack of ethics, right? Merely a mutual need to know someone out there will hold you and understand when you speak?
Because he's the yang to my yin, and I can't imagine some one here better to hold me.

The heat here is melting me, I fear. I've cried in front of someone again, for the first time in a long time.
My hopes were dashed, painfully, and I merely ghosted back into work without a word. I pulled a breathing mask from the closet and turned into a hug from the only person who seems to realize I need them. He kept one arm around my shoulders while I wrapped mine around his waist, and he wrapped the other around my ribs when I choked out what happened. By the time I pulled back, I had my work cut out for me in wiping my eyes.
I think this wouldn't boggle me as much if he were consistant. We won't say more than two words to each other for days, then he'll just -know- when some thing's wrong and be there to hug me and give me some odd look. He'll be cold all week but the second I need some one...

I believe in karma, partially from necessity (if I didn't think the assholes of the world would get theirs I might have to strangle some one), and as a result I'm having a hard time figuring out what I did to earn slicing my hand open.
Was it some thing horrid I've already done? Is it pre-payment for some thing to come? Or a balancer for something amazing to come? Or maybe a set up for the resulting situation I found myself in?
And if it is in response to some thing I've done, I'd like to know what it is. I simply can't think of anything.