Some times I wonder why I do the things I do, think the way I think. I'm like a small child, perpetually fascinated by the world around her. The sun shining in the morning is a source of endless pleasure for me and a simple breeze can make me smile for hours. I bounce from one thing to another, constantly smiling and always curious.
It can be so frustrating, feeling like I can't focus on anything but the positive. The world isn't all puppies and sunshine. Yet, so often, that's all I can see in my twelve-year-old world.
Then I have days like today, where I buy flowers for a friend and some guy on the street smiles at me and comments "you never buy -me- flowers any more."
"I'm sorry," I replied softly around my smile, "work really picked up and I just didn't have time." He stares in shock at the flower I lay down next to him as I flounce out the door.
Some days... I really like being a little kid. Because little kids can get away with things like that.
My belief in karma is, I think, different from other peoples. I was discussing it with a friend and he said some things that, as per always, got me thinking.
I don't believe in karmatic I-owe-you's. If you wrong someone, you wrong them. There is no "if I fuck them over now but buy them flowers later, it'll cancel out". You can't balance doing that to someone.
It also doesn't work to pull "I'll do all this nice stuff to this person so I can back-stab them later".
To me, karma isn't that specific.
It swings both ways, so to say. Good karma is gained by doing good things*, and results in good things happening to you**. Bad karma is gained by doing bad things ***, and results in bad things happening to you.
It's that simple to me. Karma doesn't care who you're good or bad to or on what scale. If you donate a billion dollar house to an orphanage you're on the same page as if you'd bought flowers for a friend.
*- Good is such a subjective term, no? In this case, "good" means something that makes someone happy.
**- This is more difficult than it sounds for people like me, because I can find the good in everything. Even cutting my hand open. ;)
***- Bad is a subjective term, as well. In this case, it's something that makes someone upset or hurts them.
I think... that I'm very lucky to have the people in my life that I do. I learn something new from each of them regularly, even if it's something as simple as the fact that I can still love people deeply.
Or that there are people out there who love me, too.
Found out the hospital staff were asking after me.
I didn't realize I could leave such an impression while out of my mind on blood loss or while unable to talk. I guess I'm more awesome than I think.
Or something.
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